I Have Limits

It’s easy to allow life to suck you in and you begin to neglect your own needs – at least for me, anyway.

Whenever I take on doing work or helping someone else, I throw my everything into it, sometimes to the point of making myself ill because I become emotionally invested in what I do.

That ends now.

I mentioned in my debut blog post that I struggle with anxiety and depression, and one of the ways that those illnesses tend to rear their ugly little heads is when I feel like I lack autonomy. I don’t like to feel as if I am being controlled in any way, shape or form. Feeling trapped is the easiest way to send me running.

Last week, I had reached the point where I honestly felt like I would have a nervous breakdown, but what kept me together is remembering that I can’t afford another medical bill, I don’t get paid leave and I don’t have an emergency fund. In other words, I couldn’t afford to crack up, so I didn’t. Good times, good times.

That low point made me decide to find more ways to reduce stress in my life and focus more on my own endeavors. I want to actually act on my ideas and not just think about them because I’m too drained to do anything other than what other people want me to do.

A friend of mine passed away recently, and what I remember the most about her was her zest for life. She lived her life out loud, and fear was not in her vocabulary. I can assume that I will live to be 96 like my paternal grandmother, but my friend’s death was a reminder that it’s not a guarantee. Therefore, I have to act now while I still can. The universe is depending on me to carry out my purpose and make a difference, so it’s now or never.

Cheers to change.